Walking the Walk, Holding Hands

A few days ago, Mr. Wonderful and I walked through a residential neighborhood to the grocery store. We held hands as we always do and talked animatedly, perhaps about the budding foliage or an unfamiliar bird. Perhaps we laughed and wagged our heads as we recalled our 4-year-old grandson’s latest quip. I mean, why can’t he “put the blue back” in brown Play-Doh after he mashed together blue and orange?

After making our purchases, we walked the same quiet route home. As we passed a parked car, a woman, 40-ish, leaned out of the window and called to us.

“Excuse me, but we noticed you walking past a few minutes ago…and, and…  we want what you have!”

Nik and I shot each other glances and paused.

She blurted, “We want to be like you when we grow old!”

Since she seemed harmless, we edged closer to the car.

“How long have you been together?”

“About a year, in person,” Nik began.

I added, “But we met more than 50 years ago,”

“So, you got back together?” she asked.

“No, each of us married someone else, and now our spouses have passed away…”

The young woman eyed us thoughtfully, then explained that she and the man beside her in the driver’s seat had parted years ago and were now trying to get back together. “We don’t want to screw it up this time. We want to grow old together… like you. How do you do it?"

How do you do it?

How do any of us make our relationships thrive? Again, Nik and I exchanged glances.  He shifted the heavy sack of groceries he carried, then we offered nuggets of our elder wisdom:

Talk – Always talk. The Silent Treatment achieves only more silence. The first time Nik and I irritated each other, I retreated and sulked. Luckily, he persisted. He invited – insisted --upon my feedback, so we talked. Within 10 minutes, we clarified a simple misunderstanding and righted the once-tippy canoe of conversation.

Listen— And listen more than you talk. Make eye contact. Give your beloved complete attention. No checking your phone! Clarify as you go along.

Spend time in nature – Get out of the house. Let wild places soothe you. Listen to rushing water, rustling leaves. Walk together. Hold hands. We especially like Brookside Gardens in Wheaton, MD. www.brooksidegardens.org

Trust – Mr. Wonderful and I grew to know and trust each other over 50 years. That confidence gave us a head start when our friendship evolved into something more. It’s the precious foundation of our relationship, of any relationship.

Now smiling broadly, the nameless woman reached out of the window to show me her ring, an opal. I showed her my sparkling, braided band. When Nik shifted his load again, we excused ourselves to move on. The boyfriend leaned toward us in spontaneous benediction: “We really admire you guys! God bless you!”

For the rest of our walk, we pondered how a gray-haired couple holding hands could have affected these lovers so profoundly. May they, indeed, grow old together in love. And always hold hands. ###

Invitation

• When have you unintentionally inspired someone? Write for 10 minutes.

Photo credits

• City couple by Hamza Samil Yavuz on Unsplash.

• Conversation by Priscilla Du Preeze CA on Unsplash.

• Forest couple by Ole Kloth on Unsplash.